Luna Pacifica

No Joke.

This evening's homework included many tears. I came to the stark realization that I have stopped understanding algebra. I'm done. Better luck next time. See that brick wall--bang your head on it.

Lament, lament, loathe...

30 Day Vegan: Week 2 Reflections

~Accomplishments~

• received lots of practical support and emotional encouragement from my family  
• said "no" to mac and cheese
• eased my tummy pain
• found soy and dairy-free spreads, cheese, and burgers
• Bought all my food for week 3
• cut back on my caffeine intake 
• did this

~Set Backs~

• damn you, pizza (It was covered in so many kinds of veg that you couldn't see the cheese, so I don't feel too bad.)

~Looking Ahead~

• make cashew "cream"
• work out every day for prophylactic stress relief (it's dead week)
• make at least three of Heather's recipes
• say no to even the littlest bit of cheese (I think I'm ready!)

Bikes, Bombs, and Luna

 

Wine + Tequila + Alter Egos + Bikes = (take a wild guess)

hover over pic for alter ego names

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Mr. B photobombing from inside the sauna. (Yes, we have a sauna in our bedroom. Odd.)

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Luna Tuna listening to the rain fall on the leaves of the pear tree outside my bedroom door.

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Where I Am

30 Day Vegan: Week One Reflections

~Accomplishments~

• ate seven days worth of (vegan) whole foods
• took my vitamins every day
• drank my water
• wrote in my journal
• kept from being hungry even after intense exercise
• set up my spiritual altar for the final phases of spring season
• appreciated the intensity of the emotional link to food
• ate a bit of dairy with little guilt

~Set Backs~

• had significant tummy issues adjusting to a vegan diet
• experienced fatigue, headaches, and crankiness
• felt extreme emotional withdrawal from not eating the foods I love
• was unable to treat my tummy trouble with natural remedies
• unable to tolerate alcohol (read: became overly intoxicated unexpectedly)

~Looking Ahead/Intentions~ 

• eat more nuts and legumes
• take preventative measures for tummy troubles and headaches
• eat more berries!
• locate and devour vegan chocolate

30 Day Vegan: Days Three & Four

It is nearly time to pull out, wash, and sanitize jars and lids. June is almost here and that means sweet things are growing in the fields of my valley. We patiently anticipate delightfully sweet, juicy blueberries, raspberries, and strawberries--soon! 

Days three and four have been good and cravings have been minimal However, I am experiencing an intermittent headache and terribly uncomfortable bloating that I just can't seem to remedy. I don't believe the bloating is from the absence of dairy, but from the increase of raw and whole foods. (I remember this happened the last time I steadily ate a vegan diet.) Exercise, tea, and good ol' fashioned bean-o are just not cutting it and I'm beginning to feel a bit frustrated with the constant discomfort. I'm hoping tomorrow I will physically feel better. Overall, my mood is happy. 

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Does anyone else watch American Idol? Absolutely beautiful. Enjoy!

30 Day Vegan: Day Two

The last month or so, I have adopted different aspects of whole health into my lifestyle. I have been trying to lose weight, build strength, and maintain balance in my mind. Heather's 30 Day Vegan workshop seemed to be the next natural step on my journey towards whole health.

I was pretty craggy last night. I wanted cheese--nay--I demanded cheese. I was not happy with the way I felt so I went to the grocery store and spent what I could on ingredients for snacky-type meals. 

Score: Jessie 1,  Cheese 0.

I anticipate that I will feel craggy again tonight as late evening is when I experience an intense cravings for snacks. Here I would normally make nachos, devour Red Vines (candy crack), and nosh on my mac and cheese, but now I must fill that time with something else. But, what? Healthy snacks? Tea? We'll see. Pleasure or pain, anxiety will be relieved.

Aside from my late night cravings, here is what I have learned thus far about a vegan diet:

1. It requires that you eat alot of food--healthy, whole food--and that takes time, energy, and attention. This leads me to number two...
2. For me, it requires a good deal of planning and preparation. This also takes time. This leads to number three...
3. I must be vigilant about fat and calorie amounts. My body does not like soy (and I do not like how it is processed--win:win) so much of my protein will come from legumes and nuts which can be high in fat and carbohydrates. It's a balance and it takes time.
4. It takes time and mindfulness.

This journey towards whole health proves to be a lesson in respect and patience for my body. I anticipate it will only get easier as my body begins to function efficiently--heal the body, heal the mind?

Where I Am

The spring quarter is halfway thorough and I am beat. I'm not rocking the stress as well as previous quarters and I can tell I'm in need of a break. An extended break.

A summer break.

A break to recuperate. To focus on my body and my family. To do some gardening. Do help with household projects. To do my own dishes and fold my own laundry. To reconnect with my identity as a mother. To snuggle my children. To spend some real time with Mr. B. To spend some time out of doors. To pick strawberries from the fields. To ride my bike! To go fishing. To do some crafting. To do some summer "unschooling" with the ladies and for me. To pitch a tent in the woods at least once. To do some writing. To go to the beach. To do some of this.

To complete a little summer reading: 

Of course, this is what I am dreaming of. I haven't made up my mind about forgoing summer quarter or not...

 

Eat. Live. Feel. (Warning: Profuse profanity ahead)

Initially, when I came across the above picture on Pinterest, I scoffed in disapproval: "Skinny legs. Protruding hip bones? What am I looking at here?! Is this a pro-ana type of picture or something else? This doesn't apply to me. Why am I still looking at this?! Bah!"

Truth is, I was drawn to it and I couldn't stop looking at it. It wasn't the female figure that held held my intrigue, rather, I was captivated by the words:

 

"Eat like shit. Live like shit. Feel like shit."

 

You know that feeling when you're confronted with the stark reality that all the excuses you've fooled yourself into believing, specifically the ones you use to justify why you were unable to do this-or-that? That feeling when you know you alone are "in charge of your own destiny"? Ya, that one.

This picture put it all into perspective for me. BAM, Jess. All your petty excuses IN. YOUR. FACE!

Confession. I'm fat. I don't mean the stereotype "fat". I mean that I am unhealthy overweight. I haven't always been this size. I have been thin. I don't mean stereotype thin. I mean unhealthy thin. I could go into my past: Overeating, refusing to eat, binging, purging, working out three times a day, eating well, eating poorly, emotional eating with bipolar disorder. Up and down. Blah, blah, blah.

Bottom line: I over eat when I am depressed and I don't eat when I am hypomanic. I have an unhealthy, in consistent relationship with food and my body and mind reflect every go-around. Eat like shit. Live like shit. Feel like shit. It's that simple, eh?

The point: I started working out two weeks ago. Rather, I started moving two weeks ago and removed certain "triggered foods" from my diet. I've lost 10 pounds, mostly water weight I'm assuming as I am not eating as many carbs (carbs hold water), and I have more energy--healthy energy. I forgot how good it feels to work out and eat well.

I'm really excited about what this will bring into my life!

Personal Perspective: Part Three

*There is an amphitheater just around the bend in the river where Dave Matthews plays every summer. Love!



We made it home safe and sound.

The east side of Washington state is entirely different from the west side where I live. It's amazing. Beautiful. Love.

Personal Perspective: Part Two

 With La Diabla Blanca (VW's no bueno!) in the shop, the eight of us traveled to downtown Spokompton to play and have lunch with a double date on the side for the mamas. (But, what was intended to be a sisterly bonding experience ended up a full on family affair.)
*hover over photos for details

...Years after my father died, I went snooping around in my mom's closet and found my father's briefcase. I wanted to know what he was working on in the days before his death. Inside were typical briefcase items: pencils, pens, highlighters, paperclips, papers. His new business cards. Nothing that really caught my attention except for a small scrap of paper.

Phrases from a recent conference that grabbed his attention, scribbled on paper. Phrases behind which I will never know the stories. Phrases that meant enough for him to write them down:

Framed and placed at my bedside, this piece of paper has accompanied me through my adolescence and adulthood. It has been a reminder to take responsibility for my actions; bring changes I desire unto myself. It has been a reminder of how I would like to perceive the world...


"Be in charge of your own destiny."

It means something to me too, daddy. Something special, indeed.

 

Personal Perspective: Part 1

This weekend could be described one of two ways:

1. A comedy of errors overlaid with adventure, laughter, adrenaline, human connection, and familial resourcefulness.
2. A family trip filled with disaster, considerable mental and, at times physical, stress with a side of unnecessary monetary expenses.

Personally, I'd like to remember this weekend as an adventure, so I'll tell the story of number one.

Friday afternoon, after dosing the Ladies with motion sickness medication, the B family climbed into our family car, lovingly named The White Devil, or La Diabla Blanca, and embarked upon what can only be referred to as a 6 hour journey in patience and optimism over the mountains to visit family at Fairchild Air Force Base.

The first three hours were as good as gold. Traffic through Seattle was a breeze, the weather was warm an sunny, and the Ladies were in good spirits. But shortly after the halfway mark, the good vibes fizzled out and we quickly learned that what can go wrong on a relatively short journey, will go wrong.

First, my tummy began rumbling (in a not-so-nice way) and we had to make an emergency stop. Then, came a constant need for the diffusion of spats between two drowsy, cranky Ladies in the backseat. And then it happened. Every travelers worst nightmare. Just as the sun began to set, La Diabla Blanca began to sputter.

Those last three hours of the journey were stresful to say the least, but we kept a calm outlook and pushed on. The children were comforted with the constant reminder of our family motto: As long as we are together, we will be okay.

We safely arrived at the air force base and were welcomed with smiles and open arms (after security background checks by the US military, of course.) We were just thankful that the b*tch-car didn't leaving us stranded somewhere between the sweet-corn and alfalfa fields of eastern Washington.

...to be continued...

Scenes

In Bloom

Disconnected

Oh, my goodness. I am sitting outside the college in the SUNSHINE! I do love my rain, and I'm quite sure I'll be getting some soon enough, but I do love the sunshine just as much. It does my heart good to feel the sunshine on my skin, see the daffodils in full bloom, listen to super fat bumble bees and birds buzzing and chirping about...ahh, spring!

Have you checked out Heather's workshop? I'm thrilled to be a participant along with my girl friend. It will be interesting to experience a vegan diet at the college. Though the cafeteria does offer many meatless options, I haven't seen any vegan fare. This will be a learning (and planning) expereince indeed, but it is one that I am delighted to have Heather lead me through. Registration is open, so take a look!

In other news: I made a drastic move last night. I deactivated my Facbook account (without telling anyone!) and deleted the Pinterest and Tumblr apps from my phone. There are a few legitimate reasons for doing this, not the least of which is productivity, and I am happy about my choice. I'll be here, on my Tumblr, and on Pinterest (from my laptop) as much as time allows, but as this quarter progresses, I am quickly learning that the least amount of distractions allow me to be-in-the-moment whole heartedly.

Here is your daily Awww:

Cute, right?! Cheers!